Happy Halloween

Just a quick picture post to wish everyone a Happy Halloween!

It's Baby Breezes 1st Halloween!

Cancer Journey - Bilateral Mastectomy Surgery

While I was going through Chemo, I had to make the decision on what type of surgery I wanted.

Choices include: lumpectomy, mastectomy, or bi-lateral mastectomy.

For me lumpectomy was not an option since the tumor was large and it had already spread to my lymph nodes. I decided on a bilateral mastectomy due to the suspicious spots.  I didn't want to worry every time a mammogram showed a suspicious spot.

I had a wonderful surgery coordinator, through my doctors office.  She scheduled the hospital time and stay, the surgeon, the plastic surgeon, the anesthesiologist, and the all the prescriptions that I would need.

I got to the hospital early and got checked in, I had to be there at 6:30 AM in the morning.  My mom took my son to daycare, and my dad took me to the hospital.  The nurses took me back to the prep room to get me ready for the 8:30 AM surgery.  The surgery is to take approximately 4-5 hours for the surgeon to remove the breast tissue, and the plastic surgeon to come in and insert the expanders and sew me up.

My dad was given a beeper that would let him know when the doctors wanted to talk to him, or let him know of my status as I finished surgery, recovery, and was heading to a room.

I was nervous as I really had no clue what to expect.  I met with many people that morning, and then the nurse came in to start the IV.  The anesthesiologist came in to talk to me.  Just before they started rolling me into the surgery room, he injected something in my IV to help me relax.  When we got to the surgery room he asked if I could still feel and hear and seemed surprised when I said I could.  But within 10 seconds everything went dark.

As terrifying as being "put under" is, I have to admit I like not knowing what all happens during the surgery, and waking up when they are done.  I woke up in a recovery area, and this time felt like I had been hit by a car.  I couldn't move my arms, I was numb in so many areas, and there just seemed to be a huge weight on my chest.  After I came to enough, I was ready to move onto my hospital room.

It was scheduled for me to spend one night in the hospital, and then I had to show them I could eat, drink and walk a little bit before being released.  I am not sure what happened, but I either had a very bad reaction to the pain medications, or I was very over-medicated.  I ended up spending 3 nights in the hospital, and I slept most of it and don't remember much.

I do remember a few things.  My parents came back the next morning and tried to cheer me up with a donut (which I threw up).  One of the nights I had to go to the bathroom and for some reason thought I could do it myself, but instead of hitting the call button, I hit the TV button, and ended up on the floor of my room, in my own pee and puke [thank god for heavy pain meds then, as I am sure I would have been mortified to be found that way].  I ended up spraining a finger, and getting a nasty bruise on my leg from that fall.

My poor husband [Mr. Breeze], just started a new job, so he would come visit me at night.  Unfortunately he too tried to get me to eat, and I just kept throwing it up.

On day three my parents were getting worried, as I was not eating (I couldn't move my arms enough to feed myself, and I couldn't stay awake long enough to concentrate on eating).  My mom tried to feed me a bite of chicken sandwich, apparently I feel asleep so she and dad left to get themselves lunch.  When they got back, they woke me up, and I remember showing them that I still had that same bite of chicken sandwich in my mouth an hour later (gross).   Luckily as that point, the pain medication ball that was inserted through a tube in my chest was removed, and I was awake enough to refuse the morphine.  By the next day, I was starting to really wake up and I was ready to go home.

It took 4 hours from the time the surgeon discharged me, until everything was done so I could leave.

At home, my mom became my primary caregiver.  For the next two weeks we had to drain the tubes and Jackson Pratt bulbs that were inserted in my chest to help get rid of any excess fluid.  I had 2 drains on each side. She also helped me keep track of the antibiotics, pain killers, and stool softeners [needed when you are on pain meds].  She also helped me shower and dress each day, as I had so little range of motion in my arms.

It was the plastic surgeon who I was reporting to for follow up.  After the first week he took out one drain on each side.  He checked my incisions which were healing well.  Then after the second week he took the remaining two drains out, and started the filling process to stretch the skin.

I was amazed at how little movement I had in my arms.  The left side where they removed the lymph nodes was the worst, and it felt numb and puffy.  I actually had very little sensation there, and ended up with a lot of scar tissue, and ugly flaps of skin on the side, along with the scarring from the drain tubes.  [They do go away, and a Physical or Occupational therapist is critical to go see so they can help you massage that skin and get it moving again].

Oh yes, one last little bit of advice: Don't let your family give you access to social media or you might find that you post a very horrible picture of your self while in a morphined induced state (not a pretty sight).

Stay tuned for my next cancer journey post: The horrors of reconstruction and the expansion process

My Cancer Journey - Chemotherapy Part 2

Okay, onto Round 2 of Chemotherapy.

See Previous Cancer Posts for earlier treatments

Check out my Original Cancer Journey Post
Check out Pre-Treatment Post
Chemotherapy Part 1


After my 4 cycles of A/C, I went immediately onto the drug Taxol.  Each week I would go to the treatment center and go through the similar steps to the A/C drug: check blood cells levels, pre-chemo IV of nausea, steroids and other secondary drugs.  Then I would have 90 minutes while the Taxol drug was dripped into me.

The Taxol had completely different side effects.  Since Taxol affects slower growing cells, it was at this time my eyebrows and eyelashes completely fell out.  I felt more like a Cancer patient without eye brows and eye lashes (and I had large thick eyebrows and eyelashes to start with).  At this point,  I was hairless all over my body.  [Small silver lining, I didn't have to shave my legs for 6 months].  :)

The Taxol also causes neuropathy, and my feet felt constantly numb.  You know that feeling you get if you sit on your foot too long and feels like it is asleep?  That is how my feet felt all the time, and my fingers started to get it too.  [Update: Today I am 10 weeks past chemo - and I have no neuropathy in my hands, and just a tiny bit at the ends of my big toe].  The toe nail on my big toes also started to lift up, and I ended up losing most of the one and was able to cut the other one way back.  They are starting to grow back.

Going to chemo treatment every week started to wear out my body.  It didn't have time for the blood to recover and I tried to keep myself as healthy as I cold.  I would need naps, and was just generally exhausted.  By the 8 or 9th week, I was really struggling to keep up with general daily tasks.  Of course I still had my son who was 6 - 9 months during this time, so he got whatever energy I had along with working as much as possible.

I did continue to work through most of chemo.  I would take off on the day of chemo, then rest for 2-3 days and then come back to work for 3-4 days.  It was challenging, but I just took it one day at a time.

Looking back, I think it was all the little things (the exhaustion, neuropathy, hot flashes) that just got to me.  Overall, I think I did pretty well during the six months of chemo.

My family will tell you that I was not also easy to live with, and I wasn't able to laugh or joke around, I was just tired and stressed.  But I didn't get violently ill and I was able to keep working in a lesser capacity.  I did end up putting on about 20 extra pounds that I now need to work off (most likely due to the steroids and anti-nausea medication).

After I completed my 12 weeks of Taxol, we celebrated.  We also adopted our son officially - so it was quite the celebration.  I knew that the chemo had been working as they were able to feel the tumor shrink in size.

After chemo I then had to wait three weeks to allow my blood to recover, and schedule my surgery.  I also had to make the decision on whether I was going to have a single mastectomy or bi-lateral mastectomy.  Based on the fact that I already have suspicious spots in both breast, the doctors and I determined that a bi-lateral mastectomy would give me the best survival rate.

Surgery was not what I expected, but I will put that in another post.  Overall chemo was a great decision for me, and the methods and treatments have improved greatly, even over the last 10 years.  If you or a loved one are going through this, I hope writing these experiences is helpful for you.

Cancer Journey - Chemotherapy Part 1

Chemotherapy . . .

Once I was officially diagnosed with Cancer and made it through all the testing, it was time to come up with a plan.

Check out my Original Cancer Journey Post
Check out Pre-Treatment Post

My Oncologist "Dr. Priya" and I had a long heart to heart discussion.  I told her I have a newborn adopted son that I had waited years to bring into my life, and "dam it" I was going to get to watch him grow up.  So we devised the most aggressive plan that would give me the best odds of not having a reoccurrence.

For chemotherapy treatment, I would receive:

A/C [Adriamycin and Cytoxan] This would be administered every three weeks for 4 cycles; approximately 3 months.  After that was completed I would be switched to Taxol, every week for 12 cycles, for another 3 months.

The reason for the two different treatments is that one attacks rapid reproducing cells, and the other attacks slower grow cells, giving me the best option to stop the cancer at different stages.

The first treatment was terrifying for me, and I quickly became grateful that I had the port installed in my chest.  I was dropped off by Mr. Breeze, poor man was so sick but I had to have some one drive me there and home so he did it.  Unfortunately that meant I was by myself for three long hours, however I made good use of my time with my iPad.

Once I was seated in the treatment room in a nice recliner, was hooked up to an IV pole through my port.  They took out some blood to test to ensure that my red blood cells, white blood cells, and palettes were a high enough count to be given treatment.  Then I was on a saline hydration solution until the blood work came back (usually 15 minutes).  After that I was given a pre-chemo concoction through the IV that included steroids, anti-nausea medication, benedryll, and others.  This would drip for around 30 minutes.  Then came the Chemo drugs.  I would receive three large syringes of the Adriamycin (also known as "Big Red" in the chemo room).  This had to be pushed by a nurse at a timed interval over 15 minutes.  During these 15 minutes I was told to eat ice chips.  The goal of the ice chips is to freeze the cells in your mouth to help avoid mouth sores.  This drug causes a number of side effects and mouth sores is one of them.  As soon as the nurse was done pushing the Big Red, I was instructed to take my IV pole and go to the bathroom.  It was amazing how quickly it goes through you, and the bright orange pee proved that.

I would then proceed back to my chair and they would add the IV bag of Cytoxan, and I would sit for another 45 minutes while that was dripped into my system.

This was pretty much the procedure each time for 4 cycles.  Sitting in the chemo room I received a lot of sympathy, as many of the patients were much older than I was (most were in their 70's and 80's).  Here I was not quite 35 at the time, and wondering how I got cancer.

I must admit it was during chemo that I started to go through the next phases of grieving: Anger and Bargaining.  I was very angry - I would read literature on how to reduce your risk of cancer, and wonder what I did wrong to get this.
- I have never smoked
- I maintain a healthy weight
- I am fairly active
- I am not a heavy drinker (maybe 1 drink a week)
- I have a normal blood pressure and healthy cholesterol levels
- Okay, so I had my fair share of stress . . . but did that give me cancer at 34?

It was tough sitting there for about 3 hours each cycle. I had too much time to think, and I would bargain with myself.  If I make if through this I am going to change my life, or I will take advantage of every day and every moment I am given.  That part was actually good for me, as I have enjoyed each milestone with Baby Breeze and been much more aware of joyful things in my life.

Okay, so the side affects of the A/C:

First it is a myth that you lose weight on Chemo.  Over 80% of us actually gain weight - in fact over the entire 6 months of my chemo I gained 20 pounds.  This was most likely due to the fact that I did not get sick, as the anti-nausea medication really works.  Plus the steroids I was on messed with my metabolism, and actually put me into early menopause.  I also found that foods I used to like no longer tasted right, and found myself eating a lot of pasta.

Yes, I lost my hair.  In fact in started falling out 2 weeks after I started chemo, and on my 35 birthday I found myself standing in the shower, crying, washing out large clumps of hair.  I spent about a week with thin patchy hair before I finally had Mr. Breeze shave the little bit left off.

Also, because the A/C would wipe out my white blood cells, in order to rebuild them I would go in for a shot called: Neurolasta.  This shot was great in keeping me healthy enough for chemo, but caused extreme bone pain.  The best way I could describe it is that is felt like someone was taking a screw driver and trying to crank it through my shins. [I found that Claritin and Aleve helped, but I would recommend checking with your doctor on this].

I was tired, and had a lot of anxiety/panic attacks.  Things like a sock on the floor would set me off, and I knew I was over reacting but I couldn't stop myself.  I also lost my ability to laugh at myself, and I know that put a lot of stress on Mr. Breeze because in the past we would always laugh when the going got tough.

After my 4 cycles of A/C, I went immediately onto the Taxol - I will right about my next 3 months of Chemo in a separtate post as this one has gotten so long . . .  stay tuned.

 which was given to me weekly.  The good news was that the doctors felt that the tumor was reacting positively and getting smaller.  The Taxol had completely different side effects.  Since Taxol affects slower growing cells, it was at this time my eyebrows and eyelashes completely fell out.  I was hairless all over my body at this point.

It also causes neuropathy, and my feet felt constantly numb.  You know that feeling you get if you sit on your foot too long and feels like it is asleep?  That is how my feet felt all the time, and my fingers started to get it too.  [Update: Today I am 10 weeks past chemo - and I have no neuropathy in my hands, and just a tiny bit at the ends of my big toe].




Add about Wig, other side affects

Next Step after Chemo is three week to let me blood cells recuperate and then Surgery.

Drowning in Debt

Oh how I wish I was 22 and just graduating.  With the knowledge I have know, I could have done things so differently.

Mr. Breeze and I have taken risks, and we have done well at times and we have made bad decisions as well [hence the Chapter 13 we are trying to pay off - see this post for our basic story].

Some of you may be laughing at me.  You may be thinking she's in debt (bankruptcy, in fact) and she thinks she can retire in 5 years?  This is crazy!

Well, maybe we are crazy but I can't get anywhere if I don't take a chance and try.  And I am willing to share with you how I got here, lessons I have learned and my steps on our journey to becoming Financially Independent [if you can't tell I am somewhat stubborn!]

Some of the best risks that Mr. Breeze and I have taken have been in our careers.  When we met back in 2004 we both made around $40,000 each.  Since then we have gone up and down in our salary, but in the last year we have both taken new job opportunities.  Now Mr. Breeze and I are making at total of $157,000 a year, and I have taken on some teaching opportunities making approximately another $10k-$16k.   We have more that doubled our salary over the last 10 years.

Unfortunately not all of our decisions worked out so well.  In 2004, I purchased a condo.  After a few years, I decided to rent it out and Mr. Breeze and I bought a house together.  We completely remodeled that fixer-upper.  There was a lot of sweat and tears, but we loved that house.  We took another risk and took out an HELOC on the house to buy a business [a gym franchise].  All was going along pretty well.  Our condo was rented and paying its mortgage (not a lot of cash flow, but it was positive).  The business was doing well and helping us pay down the HELOC.  We had no children, so we worked every hour at our full time jobs and the business.

Enter in October 2008 - the stock market starts to crash entering us into a long recession.  December 2008, I [Mrs. Breeze] lose my job as 1/3 of our company is let go; losing an $85,000 salary in the process.  Our business is a Gym, and as the consumers tighten their belts or get laid off our membership starts shrinking.  We found that we couldn't keep paying the mortgages and all our debts with Mr. Breezes $40,000 income.

So over the next 5 years, we sell the business, and move to Ohio where I found a new job at 85% of my previous salary but a lower cost of living. We purchased a home in Ohio.  We tried to rent out our home and the condo, but struggled being landlords 2,000 miles away.  Mr. Breeze spends a year unemployed, and eventually takes a part-time job for 3 years making approximately $20,000.  In November 2010, we have used up all our of savings, our homes are under water and we cannot sell them and we are being threatened by the banks. We finally talk to a lawyer, and was told the best thing to do was file Chapter 13.  This would allow us to consolidate our debts and pay them off over 60 months.  We had to short-sell the condo, and the home went into foreclosure since the bank wouldn't accept the short sale offer.  We were allowed to keep the home in Ohio as our Primary residence, and both our cars were already paid for.

Total Debt in November 2010: $177,000 in Chapter 13 and $98,200 on our Primary Mortgage = $275,200

Since then our incomes have continued to increase, and we have continued to pay down our debt.  (Chapter 13 requires $2950 a month taken out of our paychecks, so it is sort of forced, but it is great to see our debt reduced each month).

Total Debt today - October 2013: $71,863 [Ch.13] and $93,700 [Mortgage] = $165,563

We have paid off over $100,000 in debt, and we are on track to have the Chapter 13 paid off in November 2015.  Yippee!  At that time I will apply the $2950 a month towards savings or paying off the mortgage payment, as we have found we can comfortably live without these funds.

So there is an end is sight, but we have 24 more months to go.  In the meantime we continue to work on increasing our income and lowering our spending.  How much debt do you have?  How much are you paying off?  Set a goal and see how close you can reach it!

Time to Get Something off my Chest

I am still in the process of documenting my Cancer Journey, and will continue to post those as I complete them, but tomorrow I go in to have my expanders removed and the new implants put in.

See, I am literally getting something off my chest and I am looking forward to it.   I know it seems weird that I am looking forward to surgery tomorrow; however, if you have ever talked to someone who has had expanders put it they are usually described as bowling balls, boulders, rocks.  They are heavy and uncomfortable.

I will provide a much longer post with my experiences with the reconstruction process in the near future.  I do have a few posts that I have scheduled, to keep this blog going until I am able to get back on the computer!  I am hoping that I will bounce back faster from this surgery than I did the last one, but we will see.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Mama Breeze

P.S.  I think the picture is so, so, so wrong [Hello Kitty decorated breast implants].  But I needed a laugh today, and just had to post it as I couldn't stop laughing.  Hopefully you got a giggle too!

Say what??!?!?

Baby Breeze turns a year old next month.  Where has the past year gone?

We were thrilled the day we were able to bring Baby Breeze home from the hospital last year.  He spent 10 days in the hospital and was released on Thanksgiving day.  It was such a fitting day.  We couldn't have been more thankful than to bring our little guy home. 

Since then he has thrived.  We have watched him learn to figure things out for himself, test his limits and bond with us.

Baby Breeze is of a different race than Mr. Breeze and I are, so the casual observer can tell he is adopted.   This apparently makes it okay for people to make comments to us.  While many times this doesn't bother me, sometimes it catches me off guard.  Baby Breeze has a story but that is his to tell the world someday, until then we need to find a way to deal with the comments.

Some of the comments that have caught me off guard:

"What age did you adopt him at?"  Or when he was really little "Wow, I did realize you could adopt "them" [referring to his race and assuming he was from a different nationality] that young." "Oh, is he adopted, I was adopted at 6 weeks old, where did you get him?" "Does he look like his father?"

Say what?!?!?  

My son was born in United States, he is an American.  I have been apart of his life since Day 1 [okay, technically I was not there for the day he was born, but since that is considered Day 0, then yes, I have been there since Day 1].

I have been accosted in Walmart, the grocery store, even in the park.    

Even Mr. Breeze was asked once while on a walk in the park with our son and our dog, "Do you adopt all those foreign kids?"  Really?

So how do we answer these questions?  I know our guy is little right now, but I am sure that someday this may bother him.  I don't want to tell his story to every one.  Right now, I am trying to just say say something along the lines of, "thank you" or "yes he is adopted and we love him."  But I feel like I have to tell his story every time and I need figure out how to get over that.

I would love to read comments from others that have had to deal with this situation.  How do you handle it?

How to Retire by 40

You might be reading this because you like the idea of retiring early, or having financial independence.  There is apparently an entire movement on this, as I saw a number of fascinating blogs when I did some research on this topic.

Here are a few of my favorites:
Mr. Money Mustache
Pretire
Johnny Moneyseed

Looks like we need to get a female perspective out there; so here are my 2 cents!

Today I am 35 (okay 35 1/2), and I want to figure out how to retire by age 40.  For me, retirement won't be sitting around doing nothing, but it will give me freedom of choice: more time to choose what I want to do (like spend time with Baby Breeze).

So how does one retire early?
In theory there are three steps that need to happen:
1) Pay off debt
2) Reduce spending
3) Increase savings [especially as a percentage of income]

I always thought I was financially savvy.  I saved 10-15% of my income in my retirement accounts (401k, or Pension), and I thought it would grow to give me enough to retire at 65.  But that doesn't seem good enough to me.  When I was diagnosed with Cancer, I thought, what if I don't have until I am 65.  Am I willing to just keep working at a job, and just hope I will get to enjoy a retirement someday?

Nope!  Not good enough for me.

In searching the web.  I was fascinated by Mr. Money Mustache's principles that I needed to continue to lower my spending by throwing away my wasteful consumer habits and finding ways to save 50% to 80% of my income.  Johnny Moneyseed has some great ideas to retire, in fact his own personal goal is to retire in 7 years.  Even PretiredNick, who like me, wants to have the freedom of choice and not be stuck in the same grind until 65.  Time to throw out the conventional thinking and start getting creative.

Now, I am not starting from $0 in savings [I have been putting money into retirement accounts since I was 24], but I have a long way to go to become a true "Mustachian" or financially independent.

Back to our 3 steps, let's set some goals:
1) Pay off debt - We are on track to pay off our Chapter 13 in November 2015, Goal is to Pay off Mortgage by July 2016.
2) Reduce spending - currently the Breeze family spends WAY to much.  Over the next year we are going to track our spending and look for areas to decrease it!  (I may even take Mr. Mustache's advice and dust off my bike that I haven't used in 5 years).
3) Increase savings.  Due to the new incomes that Mr. Breeze and I have now achieved I want to see if we can start saving 50% - 80% of our total income.

In order to retire at 40, I am estimating that I need approximately $1 million . . . but as we dig deeper we will explore if this number is correct.

I will be adding more details for each of these three goals, and open the kimono.  Follow me as I determine how much spending we can reduce in order to produce enough passive income for me to Retire at 40!

Cancer Journey - Determining a Diagnosis

The horrible part about being told you "might" have cancer, as I was told during my ultrasound [see my Original post] is all the testing and waiting that you have to go through.

Here are my experiences during the diagnostic phase of this journey.

On January 22, 2013 I went in for the biopsy.  I work for a University, and the Doctors we go to are part of a teaching program.  This has its benefits and drawbacks. We see some of the most advanced researched physicians in the country who are constantly working on new research.  But sometimes we get to deal with the Resident Students, and . . . well, here's my story.

The Surgeon that I met with already had my Ultrasound results, but she has some great state of the art equipment to do an Ultrasound Guided Biopsy.  Mr. Breeze was with me, and got to see that solid mass that had everyone so worried.  I asked her what she thought, and while she wouldn't say without the pathology results, she did say that it was a rather large mass.  She also found some enlarged lymph nodes which she also wanted to Biopsy.  She did the lymph nodes after numbing the area, and there was a quick sting, but no problems.  The resident student got to do the Biopsy on the solid mass.  It was large and should have been easy to find, but she struggled with the skill to watch the ultrasound and guide the needle in me.  She did get a core sample from the mass, but it was in an area that wasn't numb and I jumped when she fired the shot that grabbed the piece of sample.  The surgeon was shocked that I was in so much pain.  She wanted to get a few more samples, but I couldn't handle it.  Luckily they got a good sample with what the resident had done.

For the next three days, I put ice on my poor bruised breast, and paced the floors waiting for the results.  Finally on Friday I got a call from the doctors office, it was confirmed I had CANCER.  We scheduled an appointment for me to come in on Tuesday to go over the pathology report.  On Tuesday I got into the surgeon office.  Mr. Breeze and Baby Breeze had to come with me, I and I was thankful to have my family there for support.

The pathology report showed that I had IDC [Invasive Ductal Carcinoma].  I have the most Aggressive form of breast cancer [N3], and it had spread to my lymph nodes as well.  It was determined I was a Stage IIIA.  From there were learned that I was ER+/PR+ and HER2-.  Basically my cancer feeds off the estrogen and progesterone in my system.

The surgeon set me up for a number of test, so that we could move forward with the next steps.  I introduced her to Baby Breeze and told her that I would do anything for the chance to watch my little guy grow up.  She gave me a hug, and told me they would do everything they could.

On Friday February 1st, I met with the Oncologist [Dr. Priya].  She was wonderful.  As I mentioned in my first Cancer post, we had a heart to heart.  I was willing to go through hell for a year, so that I could be a Mom to my little guy.  We decided to start with Chemo first to shrink the tumor, which was approximately 3.5 cm by 2.25 cm.  She wanted the results from a number of tests to ensure the best treatment and to make sure the cancer had not spread into other parts of my body.

So off I went. On February 4,  I had a PET scan.  This test looks for hiding cancer cells in my body.  I got there early, which was good, as I was on the wrong side of the hospital and had to walk all the way around to the other side.  I got checked in, and they put an IV in my right hand (my left arm was not usable, as it was bruised from the blood work they did on Friday).  I had to fast for this test, and the technician checked my Glucose levels (91 - just perfect).  They then injected me with radioactive isotopes and glucose.  I had to lay in the dark for 45 minutes and then they took me to the PET machine.  It is similar to an MRI machine, except that it is more donut shaped, and can scan the whole body (or in my case "eyes to thighs").  The hardest part was having to hold my arms above my head for 45 minutes without moving.  Overall, that was easy, so I drove home and got some work done.

At 2 PM I left for another hospital, where they scheduled me for a Breast MRI.  For this test, they put an IV in my upper right arm, and injected a Contrast material (consisting of metals).  I had to lay face down for 45 minutes of clicking MRI torture! :)  There was one set they had to do over and then I was done.  I was told I shouldn't fly, as I would have difficulty with the TSA with the amount of radio-active material and metals in my body.  They probably would have thought I was a walking bomb.  But they did give me a card that stated, "This person poses no risk to the public.  The release of this patient is allowed by the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission and meets that required regulations of the State of Ohio."  Ha, ha, ha . . . for some reason I found that funny, and I was glad to see that I had been approved under the Nuclear code.

On February 5, I met again with Dr. Priya.  She had already received the result from the PET and MRI the day before.  Based on that information she came up with a Chemo treatment for me.  She also saw two spots on my right breast from the test results, and she recommended getting another biopsy on the right side this time.

So the chemotherapy schedule was set for:
Chemo every 3 weeks on A/C [Adriamycin and Cytoxan].  I would do 4 treatments of these drugs.
Then we will start every week for 12 weeks of the drug Taxol.

February 6th, I had a my first surgery ever! [Seriously I have never been in the hospital for me].  I went in to have a Port installed.  If you have to have chemo treatments, I highly recommend having a port installed to save your veins and it is MUCH less painful to sit there for hours of chemo treatments.  For the surgery I had to fast for 12 hours prior to surgery.  No food or water all day!!!!  I was scheduled to check in at the hospital at 3 PM and my surgery was scheduled for 5 PM.  My mom came with me.  The waiting room was packed.  I was the last scheduled surgery of the day, so they quickly got me registered, and gave my mom a pager that would tell her when I was switching rooms and when I was out of surgery.  Soon I was led back to the room where I got into my gown, and they got my IV started.  I spoke with the surgical nurses, anesthesiologist (they put me under for this surgery), and my surgeon.  A Breast Cancer nurse came and sat with me and talked for at least 45 minutes, and went through all kinds of information and gave me a huge bag of stuff.  But the time she was done they were ready to bring me back to surgery.  I remember being wheeled into the surgery room, and then the next thing I recall was being wheeled back to the prep room.  I was told the Port installation went well, no complications.  I was restricted from using my right arm for 48 hours, no showers, and to take a Vicodin even if I was not feeling pain (so no driving either).

I had to show that I could eat and drink before I went home.  Those tiny graham crackers they handed me, were the best things I had ever tasted! :)  I was hungry.  I spent Thursday and Friday working from home.  I was able to get a lot of paperwork organized and keep up on my emails as I could sit at the computer for short periods of time.

On February 13, I had another test called a Muga.  This was an imaging test of my heart to ensure that it was strong enough to handle the chemo treatments.  The prep was similar to the PET scan, and once again I had to have radio-active isotopes and carry a card that said I did not pose a risk to the public.   Luckily I have a good strong heart.

The next day, I was scheduled for another ultra sound and biopsy, this time of my right breast.  My surgeon was out of town, so I was sent to another doctor.  I told her about my horrible experience with the first biopsy, and showed her the horrible bruises that I still had.  She said I should not have felt that much pain, and made sure that I was numbed well in the areas she was going to biopsy, especially since one was up against the chest muscle.  Wow want a difference!!!!  She was able to get a number of samples, and other than hearing the compression sound (like a loud click) I barely felt anything.  One of the spots disappeared as soon as she stuck the needle in it, so we guessed that one was a cyst and the other area of concern turned out to benign [sure now I get a cyst and benign tumor].

After all that testing I was finally scheduled to start chemotherapy on February 21st, but I will put that in a separate post as this one has gotten long.  If you are going through the Cancer Journey, I hope these post are helpful to understand some of the process. You will get through it, one day at at time.

Isn't Adoption Expensive?

My adoption cost: $0

Seriously, I didn't spend thousands of dollars.  However, I did spend a lot of time and heartache.

After struggling for a number of years with inconclusive infertility results, Mr. Breeze and I decided to look at other opportunities to become parents. Our families have adoptions on both sides, and we were not opposed to this idea but weren't really sure how to go about it.

We decided to look into Foster Parenting as we knew we had a great home and could provide a safe and stable environment for these children.  Unfortunately we had just filed for Bankruptcy, and the first county we tried to enroll with would not work with us because of the Chapter 13.  Even though we both had decent incomes by this point and could cover our expenses even after the Ch. 13 payments were made.  Mr. Breeze knew how devastated I was, and started making phone calls.

He found a non-county private foster care group that was willing to work with us.  Unfortunately after one night of training neither of us felt comfortable that we were making the right decision.  We found that the private foster care groups usually end up taking the children that the counties could not place with their families, we were being pressured into taking teenagers or extreme behavioral or medical needy children; something we were not ready for.

So we took some time to re-think our strategy.  We tried one more smaller county outside of our area, but still within reasonable driving distance to us.  They agreed to work with us after they pre-reviewed our financial situation.  So we started down the process of becoming licensed foster parents.

In August 2011, we received our Foster Parent license, with the ability to Foster-to-Adopt should the child in our care become available for adoption.  However the county were were licensed through was small, so we waited and waited.  The waiting was awful to a planner like me.  We received a call to take in three boys, but we were not quite ready for that.

In December 2011, a week before Christmas we took in a sibling set (4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy).  They were of a different race than we were, but after a few hours in our home we quickly saw past that. We loved having them in our home and it made the holidays lively that year.  These two only stayed with us for 4 months, and their mother quickly was able to get her life back on track so they went home.  We were crushed, but are thrilled they are doing so well (we occasionally get to see them or get an update).

From March till July we grieved the loss of the first two children who touched our hearts.  In July we received a call for a 3 month old infant.  We jumped at the opportunity and so another special child came into our lives, we cuddled and bonded with this little guy.  We had great hopes that he would stay with us forever; however after a paternity test, he went to live with his paternal grandmother.  She is a special woman with a big heart, so we are happy for him but again we grieved.

Then on November 12, 2012 our little guy was born.  We received the call on November 13 and I went to the hospital to meet Baby Breeze.  We knew from the very beginning that this was a unique foster placement, as he was going to be eligible for adoption.  Due to the laws in our state we fostered our little guy for six months, and we were able to file for adoption.  Our only cost were the court and lawyer fees for the adoption: $933.  I have a wonderful employer who will reimburse up to $4,000 for adoption expenses, so I was even reimbursed for the $933.

The county even picked up all his medical expenses until the adoption was finalized, so we know how lucky we are. Out of pocket cost: $0

If you are considering adoption, think about fostering.  These kids need love, and safe homes.  Don't get me wrong, it is heartbreaking if they get to go home, and maybe we had an unusual experience, but I wouldn't change a thing.  I love all of the children that came through our door, and I am grateful everyday to have the opportunity to watch Baby Breeze thrive and grow.  I just wanted to share our experience with others who are thinking about Fostering or Adoption.  You don't always have to spend thousands of dollars, sometimes a special child is just around the corner.

Other People's Money

I have always had a fascination with money.  In fact, I even majored in it at Arizona State University.  My degree was Supply Chain Management, and at first I struggled to explain to others what I was going to do with my degree when I graduated.  However, my first course was OPM 300, and when I told my Grandfather this, he said "your taking a class in Other People's Money?"  I had to laugh, technically I was majoring in it.   (OPM actually stood for Operations and Procurement Management)

As a Procurement Manager for a number of corporations, my job was to spend the corporation's money. Really, I got paid to go shopping.  I also worked in the public sector for a while spending the taxpayers money.  Taxpayers hate when the government waste their hard earned tax dollars (some one needs to remind Congress of this at this very moment . . . but I am getting side tracked).  My job was to ensure high quality items for the best price, reduce waste and look for alternatives that could help lower the overall budget.

Wait - let's re-read that last sentence again: high quality items for the best price, reduce waste and look for alternatives that could help lower the overall budget.  That sounds exactly like what I need to do to obtain Financial Independence in my own household.

So I need to treat each dollar that comes to us like it was someone else's tax dollar.  If you are someone that likes to complain (or discuss) how the government is spending the money start treating your income like this and see what kind of results you get.  If you follow the federal government's lead today, you will be in debt, underfunded in areas like retirement, and probably have a lot of waste.  However, there are a number of cities and states that have balanced budgets, and are fully funded for future endeavors like infrastructure and pension programs - so all is not doomed.

Now that I have this new realization, I am going to start tracking and reporting our progress.  I know over the next 5 years that life's breezes may guide us in other directions, but starting today with a goal to retire in 5 years is something I don't think I will ever regret (unlike previous purchases in my past).

A few books that have helped change my thinking over the past few years are:
The Automatic Millionaire by David Bach [Check out his Finish Rich website]
The Millionaire Next Door by T. Stanley and W. Danko

I have made a lot of my investments automatic (of course a forced Pension percentage of 10% and Paycheck garnishments for filing bankruptcy do help with that).

My next goal will be to look at our spending and Net Worth and develop a plan for the next 5 years.  This should be fun, and interesting to see how close I can get to Financial Independence in the next 5 years.

Join me as I track the numbers and set goals to reach Financial Independence, and feel free to share your story.  I love reading about others who are working to being debt free or retiring early.  It helps to keep us all motivated.

Hey if I can do it after having to file Ch. 13 Bankruptcy [which is where you still have to pay your debts back, unlike Ch. 7 where they right off the debt] then so can you!!!

My Cancer Journey

Since it is October and Breast Cancer Awareness month, I thought I would start off this Blog sharing my Cancer Journey.

Since I am still in the middle of everything, it is difficult to reflect back, so I am sure my attitude is going to change over time.  Here is a brief summary of my year so far.  In future posts I add more details regarding the different treatments that I went through on this journey.

January 2013

In January I went in for my annual PAP exam.  I jokingly mentioned to my doctor that my left breast felt funny, and I wondered if it had anything to do with holding my newborn son (he is adopted so I was not breast-feeding).  I didn't feel a lump, but I knew it felt funny.  She told me it was probably just a cyst, but sent me in to have a mammogram the next day.  During my mammogram, they said they wanted to perform an ultrasound.  Okay I thought, no problem.  During the ultrasound the technician kept getting more quiet and pushing harder in certain areas.  Hmmm . . . at this point I was starting to get nervous. 

Then I got dressed and sat alone in the room waiting for a doctor to come talk to me.  My husband was at his own doctors appointment, so we were texting back and forth.  When my doctor came in he told me that I had a large solid mass and he recommended an immediate biopsy.  Wow . . . guess it wasn't a cyst.  Unfortunately it took a week to schedule the biopsy and Mr. Breeze and I were on pins and needles during this time.  Mr. Breeze took off work to go to the biopsy with me.  [More on that experience in another post].  The biopsy turned out to be positive for Cancer.  I also had positive lymph-nodes so the cancer had already started to spread.  I was then sent for a battery of tests(PET scan, MRI, Muga, blood work, etc).

In the end I was diagnosed with IDC Stage 3a Cancer, with a fairly large tumor.  There were also a few "suspicious spots" in my right breast, but those turned out to be benign and a cyst.  So the next step was to meet with an Oncologist.

February 2013

Met with a wonderful oncologist [who happened to look just like Priya from the Big Bang Theory, so we will call her Dr. Priya in this Blog].  She was wonderful in explaining everything to me.  And based on my pathology report we decided to start Chemo right away, to see if we could shrink the tumor before surgery.  So on February 21, 2013 I started on some of the heaviest chemo drugs they could give me.  I told her I would go through a year of hell, so that I could watch my baby boy grow up.  And we developed a tough treatment schedule that would give me the best possible odds.

March 2013 - July 2013

I had 6 months of chemo with 3 month on A/C and 3 months on Taxol [Chemo treatment post to follow].  For my 35 birthday, I lost my hair.  Seriously that was the day it came out in huge clumps.  I will post my experiences with the chemo separately, but while it wasn't fun, it wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be.

August 2013

I finished chemo on August 2, 2013.  I had to give my body time to heal and bring my white blood cell count up before I could have surgery.  On August 28, 2013 I had a bilateral mastecomy.  I was originally only to spend one night in the hospital, but I had such a bad reaction to the morphine and pain killers, that it took 3 nights before I was together enough to eat and walk on my own.  I also had expanders put in by the plastic surgeon for my reconstruction during the surgery.

The great news - the lymph-nodes showed no cancer cells, and the tumor had shrunk small enough that they were able to get a 1 cm margin around it to remove it!  Hooray - this is probably as close to Cancer Free as I can be considered!!!  In my mind, I am already a survivor.

September 2013 - October 2013

I finally got back to work on October 7th, after being off work 5 1/2 weeks.  Due to the rapid expansion that I had to go through [I will post about that too, as that has been the worst for me, but is not the case for most people], I was on a lot of pain killers and could not come back to work. The expansion has also caused a lot of issues with nerves, shoulder pain and pectoral muscles and cording.  I have been working with an occupation therapist, so that I could start to dress myself and shower by myself again.

I should mention here that the Breeze family has a great support system.  My parents have been helping us take care of our son [since I haven't been able to lift him since August 27th], and my Mom has been my caregiver helping me change the drains after the surgery, dress me, shower me, and get me my pain medication.  Mr. Breeze parent's are an hour away and come out on the weekends to help out as well.

So here I am . . . I am about to go in for my Implant surgery on October 25, 2013. I am told this will actually help me feel a lot better (as these fully expanded expanders feel like bowling balls on my chest, and I am only going for a small C cup).  After surgery I will heal for 3-4 weeks and then I will start 6 weeks of Radiation, just in case there are an sneaky little cancer cells that are hiding in other lymph-nodes.  Remember I wanted the treatment that was going to give me the least possible reoccurrence, so this is another preventative measure.  Also since I was already a Stage 3a, they highly recommended radiation as cancer cells could have spread.  

My goal is to have everything completed by early January 2014 and start living again with out a weekly visit to some doctor.  Here's to beating cancer!!!!

Following Life's Breezes

I am a planner.  I love spreadsheets, numbers, setting goals, and just structure in general. The one thing life has taught me in my 35 years is that the most important part of your plan is the ability to be flexible.

I thought I would graduate college at 22, get a job, get married by 25 and start having kids by 29. I had a plan.   Well that did not happen.  I did graduate college at 22, but after a failed marriage (looking back it was the best thing that could have happened to me), I readjusted my plan.  I went back for my MBA and met the most wonderful man who finally convinced me to get married again.  I created a new plan, but life has a way of interfering.  We struggled with infertility, running our own business, corporate layoffs, moving across the country for jobs, bankruptcy (due to not being able to sell our over priced homes during the housing bubble in our previous location and the seller financing our business which the new owner defaulted on) and most recently cancer.

None of these things were in my plan.  So I have learned to adjust the plan each year. My husband [affectionately referred as Mr. Breeze in this Blog] and I have become parents through the adoption process, I am in the process of beating breast cancer, and I now have a new motivation to retire in 5 years (at age 40), when my son starts Kindergarten so that I can be home when Baby Breeze gets home from school.

So why am I starting this blog? I want to share my experiences with others and hope that you can gain insight, if you so choose.  By setting goals and publicly tracking them, I hope to help motivate others and keep myself on track.  Currently the areas that are going to be my main areas of focus are:
- Raising an Adopted Son [Adoption]
- Battling Breast Cancer [Cancer]
- Financial Independence and Retiring Early (March 2018 is my goal - I turn 40 that month) [Money]

As I write these post I will label them so if you are only interested in one area you can just review those posts.

No matter what our plans may be we have decided we just need to . . . Follow Life's Breezes