Precious Moments

When I look at my son, I see the world through his fresh new eyes.  Everything is something to be explored and pondered.

This past weekend we got hit with the massive storm that came across the United States.  It gave us enough to go sledding.  It was hysterical trying to get all of us in snow pants, boots, warm jackets, gloves, mittens and hats.  By the time we were done, poor Baby Breeze resembled "Ralphie's little brother" from the Christmas Story.

I cannot believe the love and joy that comes from being able to watch him experience things for the first time.  I am thrilled that I now have this time to spend with my little guy and cannot wait to see where our adventures take us next.

The struggles of parenting

The Dreaded Ear Tubes

We have to make a decision, and one that I don't want to have to make.  Baby Breeze has had a number of ear infections during his first year and now we are being referred to an ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) specialist to determine whether or not he needs tubes in his ears.

It was fascinating to watch them perform the hearing test on a 13 month old.  He was given a light up Tigger to watch.  Then as he heard noises to the left or right he was supposed to look.  If he looked to the left at the correct time a Minnie Mouse would light up and if he looked right a Winnie the Pooh would light up.  He did great, but eventually since Winnie the Pooh is his favorite, he would only look to the right, even if they didn't play a sound.  Test over!  Actually he did really well, and they were able to get a good reading.  Then also tested his ear drum and found that it did not vibrate as much as a normal persons, so the recommendation is tubes in the ears.  

Here is a great site for information: Ear tubes are plastic and shaped like a hollow spool.  Doctors suggest tubes for children who have repeat ear infections or when fluid stays behind the eardrum (our little guy has both).  A specialist will place the tubes through a small surgical opening made in the eardrum.  The child is placed under general anesthesia for this procedure. 

I don't like the general anesthesia part, but her should get through easily from what I am told, and it will help his infections and hearing.  So we have scheduled the surgery for March 26th.  Poor little guy, I hope this helps you.

Dear Birth Mom - Year One

We do not know anything about our son's birth parents.  The mother who choose to give him life rather than abort him.  The wonderful woman who made the hardest decision I could possibly imagine, in order to give her son a better life knowing that for some reason she couldn't care for him.

As my little guy approaches his first birthday, I sit here and reflect on how he came into our life.  I mourn for his loss of his birth mother, and her loss of her son.  Yet I am so grateful for the opportunity to raise him as my son, to show him how to be a valuable and productive member of society.

If I were to have the opportunity to send her a letter, this is what I would love to tell her:

Dear Birth Mom,

I can not express the joy that your birth son has given us since the day we met him.  I wonder at times, what name you would have given him.  Did you have a nickname that you called him while you carried him for nine months?

I can only imagine that you think of him often and wonder how he is doing, and if you made the right decision.  I would like to share some of the highlights of his first year with you.

He spent 10 days in the hospital, mostly for jaundice and to run a number of test to ensure he was healthy.  We were allowed to bring him home on Thanksgiving Day, and we were so grateful and thankful that day.  He got to meet his new Paternal Grandparents, his Great Grandfather, Great Aunt and Uncle, and some cousins.  It was a busy day for our little guy.

Since that day we have watched him grow and thrive.  He is a very smart baby, and seems to figure out problems so quickly.  Whether it was discovering that his toy was still under the blanket when he lifted it, or how to open the cabinets, he always found a way.

He turns one today, and he is growing into a confident toddler who loves exploring his world.  He is not walking yet, but can hitch himself around by using the furniture or pushing a chair around.  He is a busy baby, who is constantly on the go until he finally falls asleep at night.

His favorite toys are cars, trucks, and anything that isn't a toy [cardboard box, empty bottle, paper that crinkles].  He loves being outdoors in nature.  And he is such a water bug.  Whether it is the bathtub, his kiddie pool or a giant lake - if there is water he is in it.

He is very independent and while he won't lets us cuddle him often, he can be super sweet and cuddly when he wants to be.  And his laugh is the most wonderful sound in the world!

Thank you!  Thank for you providing me the chance to be a mom, thank you for choosing life for our [yours and mine] son, thank you for giving birth to a very special little boy.

We are looking forward to every year to watch him change and grow.

Sincerely,
Baby Breeze's Mommy

Say what??!?!?

Baby Breeze turns a year old next month.  Where has the past year gone?

We were thrilled the day we were able to bring Baby Breeze home from the hospital last year.  He spent 10 days in the hospital and was released on Thanksgiving day.  It was such a fitting day.  We couldn't have been more thankful than to bring our little guy home. 

Since then he has thrived.  We have watched him learn to figure things out for himself, test his limits and bond with us.

Baby Breeze is of a different race than Mr. Breeze and I are, so the casual observer can tell he is adopted.   This apparently makes it okay for people to make comments to us.  While many times this doesn't bother me, sometimes it catches me off guard.  Baby Breeze has a story but that is his to tell the world someday, until then we need to find a way to deal with the comments.

Some of the comments that have caught me off guard:

"What age did you adopt him at?"  Or when he was really little "Wow, I did realize you could adopt "them" [referring to his race and assuming he was from a different nationality] that young." "Oh, is he adopted, I was adopted at 6 weeks old, where did you get him?" "Does he look like his father?"

Say what?!?!?  

My son was born in United States, he is an American.  I have been apart of his life since Day 1 [okay, technically I was not there for the day he was born, but since that is considered Day 0, then yes, I have been there since Day 1].

I have been accosted in Walmart, the grocery store, even in the park.    

Even Mr. Breeze was asked once while on a walk in the park with our son and our dog, "Do you adopt all those foreign kids?"  Really?

So how do we answer these questions?  I know our guy is little right now, but I am sure that someday this may bother him.  I don't want to tell his story to every one.  Right now, I am trying to just say say something along the lines of, "thank you" or "yes he is adopted and we love him."  But I feel like I have to tell his story every time and I need figure out how to get over that.

I would love to read comments from others that have had to deal with this situation.  How do you handle it?

Isn't Adoption Expensive?

My adoption cost: $0

Seriously, I didn't spend thousands of dollars.  However, I did spend a lot of time and heartache.

After struggling for a number of years with inconclusive infertility results, Mr. Breeze and I decided to look at other opportunities to become parents. Our families have adoptions on both sides, and we were not opposed to this idea but weren't really sure how to go about it.

We decided to look into Foster Parenting as we knew we had a great home and could provide a safe and stable environment for these children.  Unfortunately we had just filed for Bankruptcy, and the first county we tried to enroll with would not work with us because of the Chapter 13.  Even though we both had decent incomes by this point and could cover our expenses even after the Ch. 13 payments were made.  Mr. Breeze knew how devastated I was, and started making phone calls.

He found a non-county private foster care group that was willing to work with us.  Unfortunately after one night of training neither of us felt comfortable that we were making the right decision.  We found that the private foster care groups usually end up taking the children that the counties could not place with their families, we were being pressured into taking teenagers or extreme behavioral or medical needy children; something we were not ready for.

So we took some time to re-think our strategy.  We tried one more smaller county outside of our area, but still within reasonable driving distance to us.  They agreed to work with us after they pre-reviewed our financial situation.  So we started down the process of becoming licensed foster parents.

In August 2011, we received our Foster Parent license, with the ability to Foster-to-Adopt should the child in our care become available for adoption.  However the county were were licensed through was small, so we waited and waited.  The waiting was awful to a planner like me.  We received a call to take in three boys, but we were not quite ready for that.

In December 2011, a week before Christmas we took in a sibling set (4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy).  They were of a different race than we were, but after a few hours in our home we quickly saw past that. We loved having them in our home and it made the holidays lively that year.  These two only stayed with us for 4 months, and their mother quickly was able to get her life back on track so they went home.  We were crushed, but are thrilled they are doing so well (we occasionally get to see them or get an update).

From March till July we grieved the loss of the first two children who touched our hearts.  In July we received a call for a 3 month old infant.  We jumped at the opportunity and so another special child came into our lives, we cuddled and bonded with this little guy.  We had great hopes that he would stay with us forever; however after a paternity test, he went to live with his paternal grandmother.  She is a special woman with a big heart, so we are happy for him but again we grieved.

Then on November 12, 2012 our little guy was born.  We received the call on November 13 and I went to the hospital to meet Baby Breeze.  We knew from the very beginning that this was a unique foster placement, as he was going to be eligible for adoption.  Due to the laws in our state we fostered our little guy for six months, and we were able to file for adoption.  Our only cost were the court and lawyer fees for the adoption: $933.  I have a wonderful employer who will reimburse up to $4,000 for adoption expenses, so I was even reimbursed for the $933.

The county even picked up all his medical expenses until the adoption was finalized, so we know how lucky we are. Out of pocket cost: $0

If you are considering adoption, think about fostering.  These kids need love, and safe homes.  Don't get me wrong, it is heartbreaking if they get to go home, and maybe we had an unusual experience, but I wouldn't change a thing.  I love all of the children that came through our door, and I am grateful everyday to have the opportunity to watch Baby Breeze thrive and grow.  I just wanted to share our experience with others who are thinking about Fostering or Adoption.  You don't always have to spend thousands of dollars, sometimes a special child is just around the corner.

Following Life's Breezes

I am a planner.  I love spreadsheets, numbers, setting goals, and just structure in general. The one thing life has taught me in my 35 years is that the most important part of your plan is the ability to be flexible.

I thought I would graduate college at 22, get a job, get married by 25 and start having kids by 29. I had a plan.   Well that did not happen.  I did graduate college at 22, but after a failed marriage (looking back it was the best thing that could have happened to me), I readjusted my plan.  I went back for my MBA and met the most wonderful man who finally convinced me to get married again.  I created a new plan, but life has a way of interfering.  We struggled with infertility, running our own business, corporate layoffs, moving across the country for jobs, bankruptcy (due to not being able to sell our over priced homes during the housing bubble in our previous location and the seller financing our business which the new owner defaulted on) and most recently cancer.

None of these things were in my plan.  So I have learned to adjust the plan each year. My husband [affectionately referred as Mr. Breeze in this Blog] and I have become parents through the adoption process, I am in the process of beating breast cancer, and I now have a new motivation to retire in 5 years (at age 40), when my son starts Kindergarten so that I can be home when Baby Breeze gets home from school.

So why am I starting this blog? I want to share my experiences with others and hope that you can gain insight, if you so choose.  By setting goals and publicly tracking them, I hope to help motivate others and keep myself on track.  Currently the areas that are going to be my main areas of focus are:
- Raising an Adopted Son [Adoption]
- Battling Breast Cancer [Cancer]
- Financial Independence and Retiring Early (March 2018 is my goal - I turn 40 that month) [Money]

As I write these post I will label them so if you are only interested in one area you can just review those posts.

No matter what our plans may be we have decided we just need to . . . Follow Life's Breezes